Manual Sex: How to Deal Effectively With Your Sexuality-Insights and Wisdom

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  1. Why Women Lose Interest in Sex
  2. How to Manage Your Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors | Psychology Today
  3. New research helps explain how we can manage our brains and achieve our goals.

Loss of sexual desire, known in medical terms as hypoactive sexual desire disorder HSDD , is the most common form of sexual dysfunction among women of all ages. A recent study showed that nearly one-third of women aged 18 to 59 suffer from a lost interest in sex , and it's not all in their heads. Unlike men's main sexual complaint, erectile dysfunction , women's biggest sexual problem is caused by a combination of both mental and physical factors, which aren't likely to be cured by merely popping a pill.

But the introduction of anti-impotence treatments in the last few years has spurred more research into the causes of sexual dysfunction among both men and women, and effective therapies are available to help put the lust back into women's lives. Contrary to popular belief, experts say frequency of sexual intercourse has nothing to do with sexual desire or satisfaction. But when a woman experiences a significant decrease in interest in sex that is having an effect on her life and is causing distress, then it's considered a problem of low sexual desire or HSDD. Kingsberg says that sexual desire is more than just an issue of low libido or sex drive.

She says sexual drive is the biological component of desire, which is reflected as spontaneous sexual interest including sexual thoughts, erotic fantasies, and daydreams. Kingsberg, who is an associate professor of reproductive biology at the Case Western Reserve School of Medicine says, "It's about your body signaling that it wants to be sexual.

Whether or not there is any intention to act on it, we all have a certain level of drive. That sexual drive declines naturally with age based on physiological factors. But sexual desire also encompasses interpersonal and psychological factors that create a willingness to be sexual. Therefore, all of these aspects of sexual desire must be examined in order to determine the root of the problem. Because a loss of sexual desire in women is caused by a combination of physical and psychological factors, it usually requires more than one treatment approach to fix the problem.

They're not just complaining of one plumbing problem, says Shifren. Once the factors causing low sexual desire have been determined, potential treatment options may include:. In addition, several therapies involving testosterone pills or skin patches specifically designed to treat female sexual problems are currently being studied in hopes of FDA approval in the near future. Pray constantly and befriend other like-minded Christians. Are you currently struggling with sexual sins? Despite the power these sins can have over us, you can have victory through the cleansing blood of Jesus and His grace to live each day.

Help me to recognize and accept the power Jesus offers to restore me to wholeness. Help me to flee from all influences which cause me to sin, and allow me the meekness and humbleness I need to confide in a brother or sister in Christ and be healed. Encourage me and strengthen me with your holy and powerful Word. Is it right for me to join part of the body of Christ to an immoral woman? Surely you know that your body is a temple where the Holy Spirit lives. The Spirit is in you and is a gift from God.


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You are no longer your own. God paid a great price for you. So use your body to honor God. God has made it possible for you to know Him and experience an amazing change in your own life. Discover how you can find peace with God. You can also send us your prayer requests. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.

Skip to main content. The Christian Broadcasting Network CBN is a global ministry committed to preparing the nations of the world for the coming of Jesus Christ through mass media. Stand firm against temptation James 4: Confess your sins to a brother or sister in Christ and pray to be healed James 5: Hide God's Word in your heart Psalm Minister to God with sacrifices of praise Heb.

Can God change your life? Unearthing the Truth Behind Alternative Christianities. Find a Local Church Now. Get more than a Sunday sermon. At that time she had intercourse she was 13 years old and she said she had become curious about having sex. Most participants talked about a class in fifth or sixth grade that covered puberty and reproduction. Often the teens had another class in seventh or eighth grade and another class in high school. One girl mentioned that she had received some information over the course of several years. Some girls missed a lot of school or had dropped out and therefore received little sexuality education at school.

Some admitted, albeit somewhat reluctantly, they learned something. Usually the teen had some foreknowledge of the topics that were covered, but they said they gained more specific information. I think I learned a little bit more. It wasn't all of the sudden this huge awakening.

I had known pretty much a lot of it before. I think I learned more of the technical details. I learned about the details in slang terms from my friends and then I learned the technical stuff about the details from the class. Several participants said that they found this information helpful. I pretty much knew about what sex was and everything. I mean, they did teach me about a lot of contraceptives I didn't know about. A couple participants noted the information provided about STDs was too graphic and scary.

Some of the stuff was, like, ok, like, good to know. But, like, some of the pictures was really out of control. I don't know how to say it. It was, like, good to show, if you have the sexual transmitted disease, how it would look on you and stuff like that … So it was like you're showing people how you would look or your body would look if you get this disease. So it would change their mind about doing it, because they don't want to walk around like that. Several participants noted how others acted in sexuality education classes.

Why Women Lose Interest in Sex

Some boys acted immature and made jokes, but this usually happened back in middle-school classes. A few teens described their high school classes in which few questions were asked. And, like, I'd be the only one asking questions, too. In our class, I think I was the only one that asked questions all the time. That's just how I was, I had to ask questions.

A few participants commented about what was missing from the sexuality education curriculum. Some topics mentioned as missing in school sexuality education were discussions about relationships, issues related to sexual desire, and homosexuality. It's all more mechanical, what you learn in school. And sex is more not as mechanical as it is emotional. And the mechanics, they're necessary to know because it's better for people's sexual health that they know those kinds of things, but, it doesn't really teach you about a sexual relationship.

It doesn't teach you a mature relationship and what that entails. That's the things that it leaves out. I think that their main focus is on you don't feel pressured to have sex and things like that. I think that they depict it was the guy wants to have sex and the girl doesn't. And so I don't think that they focus on that enough at all. I would also include stuff on homosexuality. They have a rule now that only health teachers can talk about it, and they can only talk about it in STD discussions. I think that that's really bad and really unfair.

I think that it should be talked about 'cause I know that if you didn't come from a family who was okay with that sort of thing, you wouldn't even necessarily know what to call it.

How to Manage Your Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors | Psychology Today

And it would probably be really weird for you. Several participants described TV and movies as magnifying positive messages about sex, although the reactions to these messages varied. One teen described her reaction to the programming this way:. They be making it look like the best thing in the world, like you should try it. You gone get pregnant, you gone get a STD. But they don't show that on TV. For a few teens in the study, the topic of abuse seemed especially realistic.

It shows a lot of stuff about women. She's a virgin and she's getting into, like, her first real relationship. And she, you know, she really wants to have sex. There was just an episode about that. And how, you know, she was like, I think that we should have sex. And she was really eager about it. And then she took the time to think about it and, like, I think that it shows all the different levels, you know, like, your body is totally ready to have sex, but you're really not emotionally ready or you realize … You know what I'm saying?

And I think that it shows that really well. Susan was exploring similar issues in her own life. The participants in this study listened to a variety of popular musical genres such as rap, jazz, gospel, country, rock, and folk. Several participants said the lyrics of the popular music they listened to conveyed romantic portrayals of relationships. Some interviewees said sex was a common topic in songs. All my favorite songs. A few participants mentioned male non-monogamy was a common topic in songs. He … he keep all his stuff real. He … like, when he talk about how … cuz he's a scandalist.

He'd talk about how he be having sex with other people's girls and all that. Some participants said the lyrics sung by some male rap artists conveyed degrading images of women. Even so, they listened to the music. One teen stated that she tried to screen out the words. But I don't really too much focus on that 'cause I know it's not right.

New research helps explain how we can manage our brains and achieve our goals.

So, I don't pay any attention to it. A few participants said magazines provided them with useful information. Like is there a right way to put on a condom? You just put it on. Another teen described learning more about her body. I guess I do remember learning some stuff from the Sex and Body columns from the teen magazines that was good. I remember first learning what discharge … I didn't know what it was, coming from me. When people talked about discharge, I didn't know what that was, and I remember I learned that. I learned it specifically from a specific Sex and Body column. A few participants mentioned they liked the discussions of relationship problems in the advice columns.

And every guy is supposed to be like built and everything. Eighteen participants discussed messages about sex, sexuality, and relationships that they had identified as lacking or that they wished they had received from any source, yet few identified the family as a likely source for providing these. Some felt there was not enough discussion about how to have mature relationships. Several noted a lack of discussion about sexual desire, for example:. I think that it would be good for them to know that they shouldn't feel like they are different or something if they want to do stuff.

But, I think that they should also realize that the way society is when they do stuff, they are considered whorish and they're considered, like, easy or something like that. When a guy does stuff, he gets props. One noted the importance of sexuality education in schools for those who could not comfortably discuss sex-related topics in their families. I think they should have it.

Because if you don't feel comfortable talking to your parents about it, or whatever, then you'll always have someone else to talk to, too. They won't run back and, like, try and tell your parents that you'd get in trouble or anything. A whole lot of kids don't feel comfortable having it and talking about it.

And there are so many kids that learn so much about it because their parents wouldn't talk to them about it. I think that at whatever age you think your kids are ready, but not too late, is when a parent should inform their kids about sex. Like, I know my best friend's family, she has little sisters and, you know, she has a nine year old little sister who doesn't know yet and it's like the longer you wait it's like the longer she's going to find out about the wrong people and the wrong sources. So I think, in that sense, that we should have an established time and age in school when you learn it, kind of to give parents another option.

Tell them to tell your kids before this class or after the class. My parents told me before and I was glad they did. The girls in the study learned different types of information about sexual issues and relationships from the different sources. Health care providers were generally not viewed as a resource for discussing sexual health issues other than contraception or reproductive tract infections. From family, girls learned about waiting to have sex or to date, sexual risk and protection, abuse, and taking charge of their lives or their relationships.

Their learning took place through conversations, observation, and other experiences. Most participants described family scripts regarding sex, sexuality, and relationships that involved their parents, especially their mother or primary female caretaker. Some girls who generally felt comfortable talking with their mothers, however, felt that there should be boundaries for these discussions and that certain topics such as sexual pleasure and sexual feelings were not appropriate.

In their interactions with parents, girls often struggled with their parents' responses to their behavior and the amount their parents could influence their decisions. This dynamic was less apparent when girls described scripts involving extended family. Relatives who were closer in age to the teen than the parents older siblings and cousins, younger aunts and uncles were sometimes able to provide information or guidance that seemed more relevant.

The girls in this study acknowledged that although sex-related discussions with their parents were informative, these discussions were often limited to topics related to reproductive health dangers. These findings are consistent with other studies on sex and parental communication. DiIorio, Kelley, and Hockenberry-Eaton reported that teens' discussions with parents were often focused on the negative consequences of sex and sexuality and many parents did not focus on helping the teens understand and come to terms with their sexual identity.

Parents are the most influential socializing force in a child's life. As a result, parents are in a unique position to shape their teen's values and behavior. Similarly, Whitaker and Miller reported that parental communication reduced the extent to which peer norms influenced a teen's initiation of sex and condom use. Having a positive impact on teens' sexual behaviors requires open and honest conversations that provide accurate information about the risks, consequences, and responsibilities surrounding sex.

Sexual Rejection

In this study, the participants talked with friends about specific and real issues, for instance, slang terms, non-intercourse sex, relationships, and sexual safety as well as sexual feelings. The depth of these discussions varied but, for some girls, close friendships provided a safe place to have meaningful interchanges.

However, for many girls, the wider peer network was characterized by competition, lack of trust, or social pressures to conform to social norms pertaining to relationships and sexual experiences. Most of the literature on peers and teens has explored the relationship between peer norms and sexual behavior. Similarly, Kinsman and colleagues reported that the strongest predictor of sexual initiation in a group of sixth graders was having a high intention to engage in sexual activity.

Although the literature has described the role that peer norms have on sexual behavior, few studies have described the exact content of these discussions DiIorio et al. A greater understanding of the sex-related peer pressures that are experienced by teen girls in addition to understanding what teens gain through these conversations is needed. These insights will help researchers and health care providers provide a safe space for girls to engage in sex-related discussions with their peers with support from a trusted adult source.


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In the social sphere of sexual partners, boyfriends, and girlfriends, participants described strong pressures to conform to the norms of heterosexuality while trying to sort out their own desires. Many girls talked about sexual feelings such as attraction, desire, or pleasure. However, these feelings seemed to fade into the background when girls described the social pressures to have a boyfriend or to have sex. For those girls with boyfriends, the expectations and meanings of these relationships varied. For some, having a boyfriend helped maintain the appearance of being attractive and popular.

Martin highlights the importance that boyfriend-girlfriend relationships play in a teen's life. It is important to recognize that teenage relationships are a complicated emotional issue for teenage girls. More discussion with teens on dating and relationships could help girls process their emotions and come to terms with the pressures that surround teenage relationships.

According to Martin , typically girls are pressured into sex by boys and teen girls often succumb to these pressures. Interventions that focus on developing teens' sexual agency and teaching adolescent girls how to refuse unwanted sex and negotiate for safe sex need to be incorporated into sex education programs. Sex education in schools was often described by participants in this study as too technical. Some participants also found graphic descriptions of sexually transmitted diseases in sex education programs to be frightening. For several girls, sex education lacked emotional context and failed to provide practical guidelines for applying technical information to their own lives.

In addition to the limited curriculum of sex education classes, the very setting in which these classes took place may have inhibited discussion. According the literature on sexual education programs, the most widely evaluated school-based programs have targeted risky sexual behaviors and have been focused on outcomes— promoting abstinence, delaying sexual intercourse, and increasing the use of contraceptives CDC, b; Sociometrics, Intervention programs that include developmental issues, such as teen dating and relationships, need to be developed and evaluated to determine their effectiveness.

Graber and Brooks-Gunn argue for school-based programs that include information on developmental issues and challenges as well as skill-building to enhance behavioral outcomes. According to many participants, television and movies magnified and glorified sex. Many noted that relationships were portrayed in superficial or unrealistic ways. Programs and movies depicted relationships without any conflict or difficulties and sex as the ultimate experience that was always pleasurable and mutually satisfying.

Some types of popular music, notably rap music, commonly used derogatory slang terms for women. Martino and colleagues found that teens, regardless of sex or gender, when exposed to degrading music lyrics— especially those that portrayed women as, primarily, sexual objects—were more likely to engage in sexual activity.